French neighbours death

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Puddles
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French neighbours death

Post by Puddles » Thu 16 Oct 2008 21:25

What is one to do when a French neighbour dies?
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Serge

Post by Serge » Thu 16 Oct 2008 22:21

Are we talking hypothetically here or ..............................

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Puddles
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Post by Puddles » Thu 16 Oct 2008 22:28

No ! we are not!!!!
A young neighbour was taken from us today at the age of 36 years & I am really not sure what is the correct thing to do in france. There seems to be a book outside the front gate to leave one's last messages but what if anyone knows is the correct way to go about these things .?
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

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blackduff
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Post by blackduff » Thu 16 Oct 2008 22:33

Certainly, it depends on how close you were to the neighbor. I'll make a idea for each method.

Close Neighbor:
First, name in the book outside. All you have to do is your name. You may decide to follow the funeral, if you're really close. Either with other neighbors or maybe alone-send some flowers.

Just a Neighbor:
Sign the book. Go with the funeral, unless the family notices it's not wanted.

In both cases, if you go to the funeral mass, get into the line to shake the hand of the breavements. Give a few words and that's about all.

This is my version of handling death with my neighbors. Probably others will do more, and some will do less.

Blackduff

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Puddles
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Post by Puddles » Thu 16 Oct 2008 22:45

thank you so much for your reply . As I live in an area which is totally french it is not easy when something like this happens & following distrested french neighbours is not easy. Thank you again.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

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PaddyFrog
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Post by PaddyFrog » Fri 17 Oct 2008 00:57

Puddles,
If it is another village or even town with attachment to the PO, like most of us you find out from "LE CARNET" in the L'independant. All news agents sell memorial cards, these are blank and you just fill in your own words.
Also it is not uncommon for the book to be at the funeral directors office where persons wishing to pay their last respects can go.
If it is outside those hours there are normally key plates outside the office for you to tap in the code and normally a different key plate outside the office where the body is laying.

you may get 3 or 4 bodies lying for viewing each with a separate pass code and normally outside each chapel, normally there is the book to sign.

Funerals here in the south are not the formal black affairs you see in the UK, do not be surprised to see mourners in flowered shirts and shorts or jeans.

Normally it is only immediate family that are invited back for a wake.
Michael

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Marguerite & Steve
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Post by Marguerite & Steve » Fri 17 Oct 2008 10:14

How sad and for someone so young.

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Chantal
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French Neighbours' funeral

Post by Chantal » Fri 17 Oct 2008 11:29

Just returned last week from one (a 20-year old). Church was full, and more. Flowers were bountiful too . Ffamily, friends, colleagues, shopkeeper, ex-school friends, etc. attended mass. People had a brief word to the parents (some before mass, some during - as the priest had planned a walk with a candle to the coffin, some after). the actual funeral was still quite full, but I noticed that there were less people.

In short, I was told there's always lots of people attending when a young person dies.

Seems to me to be pretty much the same everywhere.

I would say, the best is just to follow your heart. Send a card, send some flowers, knock on their door with comforting words, whatever... so long as you are sincere, that's all that matters! I doubt that the family will be concerned with the 'do's and don't do' of protocol in this instance.

Condolences to the family. (Sincères condoléances).

Best wishes

chantal
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Puddles
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Post by Puddles » Fri 17 Oct 2008 14:13

It's very sad as only a few months ago his wife gave birth to their second child , a daughter.
Things however are a little different to those that Paddy Frog explained, so thought I would update you all as to what seems to be happening.
The book for leaving a message is outside the front gate & the corspe is in the front room; It seems that the widow spent an all night vigil at the side of the coffin. A steady stream of people have been coming to pay last respects from 9am. Even the lady who delivers the bread had to stop to sign the book. It seems that cards or flowers are not the done thing in this case, but is possible when we in the street get more info that we will chip in to buy a wreath for the funeral, but am still awaiting news on this.
Also , I have found it intresting that all those turning up have been wearing dark colours, no bright shirts.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

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Post by PaddyFrog » Fri 17 Oct 2008 17:42

Puddles wrote: Also , I have found it intresting that all those turning up have been wearing dark colours, no bright shirts.
Having attending numerous French Funerals over the 25 plus years I have yet to see the sombre clothing that is worn in the UK.

The first time I attended a funeral in the Village where I then lived, I wore Black so did the guy opposite from Alsace, we were the only two out of over 200 people wearing sombre clothes, we looked like Mafia Hoods.
Michael

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