Aggression against women

Been there? Done that? Where to go in the Pyrénées-Orientales

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sara-66
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Aggression against women

Post by sara-66 » Wed 26 Nov 2014 00:43

Hi
This will be difficult to put out there, and some may judge – women should not go out alone, women should not wear make up, women should not wear flattering clothes etc. In fact why not wear a Burkha oops not allowed in France.
BUT I, as a single woman I went out at St Cyprien Plage ALONE . I was supposed to go with a couple of friends but at the last minute I was let down and I was all ready to go out and I knew that there would be people I knew at this bar where there would be music. I thought it would be OK.
It was all going well talking to people I knew having a drink as one does – then this man starts to touch me and pinch my bottom and other parts ( I should add that I was dressed “sensibly” flat shoes, thick tights loose black dress, little make up etc. – not that this should make any difference) I asked him to stop politely because as a woman alone one is always polite, but he persisted . I did remark to many people that his behaviour was not appropriate but got the French shrug.
When I thought that he had given up I made the mistake of going outside for a cigarette (I should not smoke) and he was there and he punched me twice in the face, knocking me to the floor.
I was so shocked that my first concern was that my glasses were not broken and then he had taken off down the road – to assault another woman?
The most shocking thing was that the locals and bar owner seemed to be more concerned that if the police were called that the bar would be closed – not that a man had just assaulted a woman.
I did get home and one woman was very kind and helped me.
I have since discovered that this “man” is well known for aggression and had tried it on with a friend a previous night.
I had bruises and a black eye for a week and since due to a dental abscess and dental x-rays I have found that damage has been to my jaw.
My dentist says I should report this damage to the police but as it seems that the bar involved knows this man and all are scared of his “mafia” group it will be difficult to find any one willing to be a witness.
As a committed feminist and having worked in difficult situations with homeless people, drug users etc. working shift hours in London this seems incredible in a so called civilised country.
I am determined not to be stopped continuing to go out when I wish so I have invested in a pepper spray (legal in France) and I will not hesitate to use it – No doubt there are people out there who will tell me I should just stay at home and NEVER go out because bad things happen but what sort of life is that?

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Kate
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Post by Kate » Wed 26 Nov 2014 07:31

So sorry to hear this. Personally, I think you should go to the police. You have done nothing wrong. This guy should be taken off the streets before a punch becomes a rape or a stabbing. How you dress, where you go or who you go with, or not is irrelevant. Why should you have to wear flat shoes and a veil to avoid being judged by others? Did you get any photos?

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Post by opas » Wed 26 Nov 2014 07:56

Go to the police. If you don't have a name and know he goes to that bar regular then he can be found. I don't understand why no one did anything at the time. Nice people who frequent that bar and even nicer owner. Name the bar, then I can advise my daughter and her friends to avoid it - one thing is for sure, if they had been there you would have got help and witnesses.
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Post by Sue » Wed 26 Nov 2014 08:02

This is such a sad reflection our our times. I am so sorry Sarah this happened to you and agree totally with everything Kate and Opas have said. Going to the police could stop it, or something worse, happening again. It is totally wrong for the bar owner and patrons to condone this.
Dylan

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Kate
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Post by Kate » Wed 26 Nov 2014 08:45

A good idea to name it so other single ladies know to avoid it, OR to make it clear that they know what is going on if they do go there.

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Post by Ariègeoise » Wed 26 Nov 2014 10:55

Little to add to all the good advice from the previous posters, sara-66, but as another committed feminist who also claims the right to go out alone whenever she chooses I just wanted to add my support and a bit of solidarité.

Like the others I'd really urge you to report what happened to the police, whether or not any witnesses come forward to support you. Even if they can't take action they will at least have the incident on file if - heaven forfend - he does it again.

I'm really shocked to hear that nobody at the bar helped you at the time - only on one or two occasions have I ever seen (from afar) any kind of hassle here and other people have always jumped swiftly in to stop it before it becomes an incident. There seems to be some kind of collusion going on here that makes this bar it an unsafe place to be - for that reason alone it would be a good idea to name the bar publicly.

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. Stay strong.

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solo females

Post by monsans » Wed 26 Nov 2014 19:27

I do not think it is a good idea to name the Bar publically. There could be reprocussions of all sorts.

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Post by Owens88 » Wed 26 Nov 2014 23:31

If it is factual do not fear repercussions.
BUT
As ever do disguise your actual address, not against the law but against idiots/thugs.
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Post by sara-66 » Thu 27 Nov 2014 20:02

Kate wrote:So sorry to hear this. Personally, I think you should go to the police. You have done nothing wrong. This guy should be taken off the streets before a punch becomes a rape or a stabbing. How you dress, where you go or who you go with, or not is irrelevant. Why should you have to wear flat shoes and a veil to avoid being judged by others? Did you get any photos?
Thank you Kate
I am torn as a committed feminist and having worked with victims of domestic violence but need to think of my own safety - if he finds where I live I could be in danger. I now have a nice little pepper spray and have written a letter recomande to the bar asking what they will do in future to safe guard women and if he is banned - I am sure that he well known for aggression x Sara

sara-66
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agression

Post by sara-66 » Thu 27 Nov 2014 20:08

opas wrote:Go to the police. If you don't have a name and know he goes to that bar regular then he can be found. I don't understand why no one did anything at the time. Nice people who frequent that bar and even nicer owner. Name the bar, then I can advise my daughter and her friends to avoid it - one thing is for sure, if they had been there you would have got help and witnesses.
Thank you for the support The bar is THE BAR MEDITARENEE RUE RODIN ST CYPRIEN PLAGE
Actually rather than avoid how about getting several women to descend and question their attitude to women and shame them?
I have also commented on Trip advisor

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re agression and the Bar Meditarenee Rue Rodin St Cyprien Pl

Post by sara-66 » Thu 27 Nov 2014 20:13

Thank you every one for your support -
As a woman living alone here I am not sure that I can take this on by myself - it could be dangerous but I dread to think of worse happening to some one

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attacked female

Post by monsans » Thu 27 Nov 2014 21:35

So why not go to the Police and hence stop perhaps there being a next victim.

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Post by opas » Thu 27 Nov 2014 22:04

sara-66 wrote:
Kate wrote:So sorry to hear this. Personally, I think you should go to the police. You have done nothing wrong. This guy should be taken off the streets before a punch becomes a rape or a stabbing. How you dress, where you go or who you go with, or not is irrelevant. Why should you have to wear flat shoes and a veil to avoid being judged by others? Did you get any photos?
Thank you Kate
I am torn as a committed feminist and having worked with victims of domestic violence but need to think of my own safety - if he finds where I live I could be in danger. I now have a nice little pepper spray and have written a letter recomande to the bar asking what they will do in future to safe guard women and if he is banned - I am sure that he well known for aggression x Sara
So the bar owner will know your address!
You really should have gone to the police
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Kate
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Post by Kate » Fri 28 Nov 2014 06:33

Actually rather than avoid how about getting several women to descend and question their attitude to women and shame them
Or even better, a group of women AND men? This kind of thing isn't just a feminist issue. All decent men (at least in this part of the world) are disgusted by this kind of treatment of women by men.

Opas has a point. You didn't put your address on the registered letter did you?

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Post by tia » Fri 28 Nov 2014 09:32

i don't understand why you did not just call the pompiers with your mobile if nobody else would? they would have come out straight away and called the gendarmes if necessary. You could also have then made an official statement about what had happened , doesn't matter what the bar owner or the locals thought. Now is a bit late to do anything as you have no actual proof that it happened outside this bar( unless you have witnesses of course). For the bar owners it would not have made any difference if you called the gendarmes because it happened outside the bar and not Inside so is not their responsability and the are not liable. The gendarmes cannot shut the place down just because someone gets hit outside on the street, if this was the case then there would not be many bars or clubs left open.

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Post by tia » Fri 28 Nov 2014 09:36

ps, can't see what Pepper spray would do if someone punches you, my reaction would be to punch back. I am not sure that you would be in the right if you sprayed it at someone and then said it was because you got the impression he/she was going to attack you. The person could then complain and say that you attacked him ( or her).

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attacked female

Post by monsans » Fri 28 Nov 2014 09:48

I totally agree with Tia. Maybe it is too late to actually report the incident as such but at least go to the cops and advise them of what took place.
How come there are no 'decent men (in this part of the world) '!! adding their views per usual.

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Post by CPB » Fri 28 Nov 2014 10:13

The whole thread makes me feel uneasy.

I don't think you need to justify what you were wearing or why you were out alone. That's up to the individual what they do. I don't know anyone who would say you had to wear a veil! More so here in France than anywhere else. That's an odd statement. As is it being a feminists issue, I'm not a feminist but I don't condone violence against woman the two certainly don't go hand in hand.

I don't fully understand why the gendarmes were not called. Even if it was to just log the incident with no further action.

I understand people want to protect other individuals from ending up in a similar or the same situation with this man however forgive me as I am in no way versed in law but I would have thought publicly naming a bar in which an attack didn't happen (as it happened outside) but intimating they could condone this (posted by another individual not the OP) and publicly berating them would surely be slanderous at best? Especially with no police report to link the bar or associated area to a crime (I'm not saying it's not true but in the eyes of the law it didn't happen as it hasn't been reported).

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